Artemis Fowl is many things, a Genius, a very rich man, a criminal mastermind, and oh right, twelve. When his father, Artemis Fowl the first, made some very good investments that lead to some very bad attention from the Russian mob, Young Artemis is left in charge of a much diminished criminal empire, but the discovery of an underground society of fairies presents young Artemis with an opportunity to restore his family to billionaire status. It might also kick off an inter-species war.

Okay, let’s address the elephant in the room, yes there is a movie. Now, let us say no more about it.

Artemis Fowl is one of those books that I really wish I had had as a child, but by the time it came out, I had, I felt, grown past such middle grade fare, and it’s only as an admittedly somewhat childish thirty five year-old, that I can start to appreciate this gem of children’s fiction. Dumb and silly in all the right ways, Artemis Foul is a surprisingly intelligent book, one that never really talks down to its young audience.

Eoin Colfer seems to understand several things that many children’s authors could do to remember. The first is, kids are smarter than you give them credit for. They are too, I mean yeah, they lack a lot of experience, and have little if any sense of cause and effect, and almost no impulse control, but that could be said for most of the adults I know, and some of those have PHDs. The second is, Kids like feeling older than they are. Kids like it when they are watching or reading something that feels a little too old for them, they want to feel that little bit more mature than they actually are, and they can have that here, while still enjoying something that is very much for them at the same time. The third is, while crude humor is effective, with kids even more so, it only works for so long, so when you make a fart joke, make it count, and Mr Colfer makes it count.

The world Artemis Fowl presents us with is interesting, you have our world on the surface, which is, well our world, but below that, literally, you have the Lower Elements, which is populated by fairies, but while the fairies are sort of what you are used to, elves and pixies and goblins and what not, these fairies have blended magic and advanced technology together to form an incredibly sophisticated society, albeit, one that does manage to mirror our own in some key ways, and also provides much of the childish humor of the novel. In many ways, the Lower Elements feels like a child’s idea of what the grown up world is, full of wonder and really cool stuff, but lacking the vexing complexities, and petty frustrations that the real grown up world includes. I’d have liked to see more of the Lower Elements, the idea of magic based technology is really cool and the various beings we do meet in the book are generally delightful, but sadly mostly we spend most of our time with Artemis on the surface, and when we are in the Lower Elements, it is spent with one of the Lower Elements police agencies, specifically the Lower Elements police reconnaissance, or (LEP Recon), though considering who Artemis is, I suppose they were the natural point of interaction, and hopefully we can see more outside that little window in future books.

The characters are fun, though admittedly a little two dimensional, Artemis as a sort of child Moriarty is interesting, and it is nice to watch him be the smartest person in the room and to be the absolute villain at the same time, was a treat. Though, I always feel a little bad when I see the child character that clearly has lost the ability to be a child., just on an existential level, it makes me sad.

Artemis’s primary companion, bodyguard and butler, Butler is fun, an incredibly skilled marksmen and one of the world’s best martial artists, Butler works as a sort of Watson like character for Artemis, just a very well-armed Watson who knows several dozen ways to kill you before you even know you’re in a fight, and wouldn’t mind showing you one or two if it comes to that. Though because this is a children’s book, Butler doesn’t really get to show off his skills too much, though he does get a few moments of mostly nonlethal badassery and an encounter with a kleptomaniac dwarf, that legitimately made me laugh out loud. Captain Holly Short is the main fairy we spend our time with, a rooky member of the LEP Recon, she is the first female ever to be posted to the LEPRecon, and she is determined to prove herself, And while I wish I could say more about her character, honestly, that is her character. After rescuing a group of humans from a rampaging troll, she is ordered to go and recharge her magic, and is kidnapped by Artemis and Butler, so they can hold her for ransom, knowing that LEP Recon has a large gold fund to pay the ransom on any of their captured officers. The rest of the book is her interacting with Artemis and his people, and working on her escape, while the rest of LEPRecon tries to negotiate with Artemis and rescue her. The supporting cast are all fun in their own ways, but if the three main characters can be said to be two dimensional, most of them can be at best one dimensional, coming off a bit more like character traits with dialogue than actual characters, nevertheless, each had their own charms, and I’d not mind seeing any of them again, especially the kleptomaniac dwarf I mentioned earlier.

Honestly, if Disney actually made this book into a movie, rather than, the movie they actually made, I think they’d be looking at a new young adult franchise, one they could milk for the next decade or so, but well sadly they didn’t, so we’ll have to settle for the books, which is of course always my preference anyway, but I get it, reading is hard, and you have to hold things, and the tv gives off such a lovely glow.

I can recommend Artemis foul to any child of about eight or older, anyone wishing to recapture your inner child, or anyone who remembers that scene in The Santa Clause with the elf rescue team, and sort of wishes the rest of the movie was more like that.